


I Need To Have You.

by lizibabes



Series: Hurt/Comfort Bingo [30]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: M/M, Sex, Swearing, dub-con due to sex pollen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-15
Updated: 2012-06-15
Packaged: 2017-11-07 20:03:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/434845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizibabes/pseuds/lizibabes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fill for the prompt dub-con for Dark bingo, cliché: fuck or die/wildcard for glam bingo, fear for 10-hurt-comfort, sex pollen for HC-bingo, bad sex for angst bingo and possession for kinkbingo. Adam gets dosed with sex pollen, he feels possessed, he has to have someone or he will die, Tommy offers, but does he mean it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Need To Have You.

**Author's Note:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Not as cracky as it sounds.

Fear rushes through him as the door slams shut behind him. The sound loud and final somehow. This wasn't meant to happen. He didn't think something like this could happen to them. It was meant to be a simple fan meet and greet, but Tommy had known something was wrong the moment his and Adam's car turned up and no one else's did. They'd waited in their cars until they noticed their drivers were gone. Then something weird had happened to their drivers, some kind of possession and they'd just gotten out of the cars and left. Tommy had been afraid then and got out of his car. It seemed logical to go into the building they were parked in front of, find someone who wasn't acting weird, didn't have black eyes and Adam had followed him, but now they are locked in and the whole place seems empty, but there are cameras and Tommy has a feeling they are being watched.

　

He tries his cell, but something must be affecting the signal, because when Adam pulls out his cell he doesn't have any reception either. They can't call for help with their cells and Tommy has a feeling that no one who should know, does know where they are. They need to find a phone, call for help, do something, but Tommy can't help the building dread or the nagging voice that tells him that no one is coming to help them. 

　

He's never not felt safe before, not like this. He's been scared before, he can't count how many times in his life he's been afraid of something. He's only human, but this is different. He doesn't feel safe here. Adam's presence is enough to take away his stage fright, to ease his nerves, but right now, having Adam here with him, doesn't make him feel better. It just makes him worry about Adam's safety as well. 

　

"Let's check in here. I don't think we've been in here yet," Adam says softly and Tommy can hear the fear in his voice as well. 

　

He takes Adam's hand when he offers it and it makes Tommy feel a little better. Fear might be making his stomach feel tight, but at least he's here with Adam, not alone. He's worried about Adam sure, but he'd rather not be alone here. He wonders if he helps Adam feel better. They've been friends a while now, but they have never been in a situation like this, alone or together. So Tommy doesn't know how either of them will react. 

　

All too soon fear slams through him again, because the minute they go into the next room the door slams behind them again and Tommy hears the lock click. He turns to face it, to make sure, even though he knows he's sure, when it happens, he hears the noise, like an explosion and when he turns back Adam is covered in some kind of powder, it could have hit him as well, if he hadn't turned and Tommy is terrified, what if it's some kind of drug or poison and the fear that Adam could be hurt is worse than the fear of being in this room: no windows, one closed door and no way to get help. He doesn't want to see anyone get hurt, least of all Adam. 

　

"Adam?" Tommy asks, hating how the fear has him almost choking on his words. He hates the idea of anything bad happening to Adam. He cares about his best friend, a lot, too much some people would say, but he can't help how he feels. He's tried and he can't. He doesn't think he would cope well with seeing Adam get sick. 

　

"I have no idea what this is, but I feel weird," Adam says softly and he sounds afraid, too, and that's when the intercom on the wall crackles to life. Tommy hadn't even taken notice of it before it made a noise. 

　

"You have been exposed to a chemical I call sex pollen. The pollen will posses you, control your body. I have other pollens that work differently, like those I used on your drivers. If you do not have sex within the hour, you will die. Once you have sex, I will let you go," The voice says calmly, and Tommy can't take his eyes off of those cameras. There are at least five in this room, watching them. It sounds so clinical, like they don't care that they are saying Adam could die. 

　

"Sex pollen, that can't be real, the drivers had to just have been paid off," Tommy says softly. He doesn't want to believe the voice on the intercom, but there is something the way they had said it, the calmness and Tommy fears whoever this person is, that they are telling the truth. 

　

"Tommy, I have a hard on and I feel like stupidly horny even though I'm afraid, so this powder on me is doing something," Adam says softly, not even looking at Tommy. He sounds like he is panicking. 

　

"You think our drivers were really possessed?" Tommy asks.

　

"Their eyes were weird, so weird and I don't feel like myself, I feel like it's possessing me," Adam says and he takes a step, stumbles and soon he's sat on the floor, his back pressed up against the wall, his knees drawing up to his chest. His face is pale and he hadn't looked like that before, he'd looked healthy, happy this morning at the hotel. But now he looks pale and afraid and seeing Adam like this makes Tommy feel afraid as well. 

　

"Fuck or die? Shit, shit," Tommy mutters.

　

"It'll be okay," Adam says, voice croaky and he's already looking ill and Tommy's throat feels like it's tightening up with fear. Fucking sex pollen, it doesn't sound real, but he can see that something is possessing Adam's body and it has to have something to do with the powder all over him, the sex pollen and Tommy can't stop his heart from racing, fear making his heart fluttering way too fast.

　

"You look ill already," Tommy says softly, sitting down near Adam, but not too close. He doesn't know what will happen if he gets that sex pollen stuff on his skin as well. One of them needs to be okay. 

　

"I have a boyfriend and he's not here, what am I meant to do?" Adam asks and Tommy frowns. He doesn't really like Adam's boyfriend. He's liked some of Adam's boyfriends, but this new guy, not so much. He's aware some of it comes down to a jealousy, a jealousy that he doesn't want to admit to, but it's not just jealousy, not this time. Leo isn't like evil or anything, but he's not the nicest. He doesn't care about people the way Adam does and it doesn't seem to really fit. Leo just isn't the kind of guy he pictures Adam with. Adam with Brad, Drake, Sauli, even though those relationships had ended along with others, he could see those men with Adam, but Leo, he doesn't seem to feel right. Or maybe Tommy's just bitter because Leo has made it clear from day one that he hates Tommy's guts. Even though Adam refuses to see it. Tommy knows he's not being paranoid, everyone has picked up on it other than Adam; friends, family, fans, everyone. Leo would probably admit it to anyone who asked, but Adam doesn't show any signs of asking.

　

"Leo isn't here, so you're just going to die?" Tommy asks softly, afraid, but he has to do something. He can't let Adam die because of some messed up sex pollen, no matter how afraid he is and how much Adam doesn't want it, want him. Tommy never pictured it happening like this either, but he had pictured it. He's pretty damn sure Adam never has.

　

"They said fuck or die! Tommy, I'm being possessed by sex pollen and all it does is make me want to fuck. This isn't like some little kiss on stage for the fans. Don't you dare claim you're okay with the idea of me just fucking you! I don't think I'd even be able to be careful," Adam hisses. He sounds pissed off, but there is still fear in his voice and he looks so pale, like he's getting really sick already. 

　

"I don't want you to die, Adam. It's just one fuck, Leo doesn't have to know," Tommy says, swallowing his fear. He can admit to himself that he wants Adam, that he's wanted other men before, but it isn't something he has ever been open about. He'd always been afraid that the people who mattered would look at him differently if they knew that he didn't just like girls. When he was growing up he'd never been considered normal or like everyone else and a lot of the time he liked it that way, but as a kid, a teenager, sometimes he hadn't wanted to be different. He'd fit in with his metal head friends and they had all liked girls and only girls, so Tommy tried to be the same and he never grew out of pretending. And then one day on stage, in front of the world Adam had kissed him and Tommy had stopped being able to lie to himself and he'd lived in fear for the last two years that the people would find out he had been lying to them and they would be hurt by it.

　

"We're in a room full of cameras, you think no one will ever see this? For all we know someone did this to get it on TV. This sex pollen could all just be a ploy to get a sex tape," Adam says through gritted teeth. His face is flushed, like he's burning up and his eyes are shining, dark with lust and it's clear the sex pollen has Adam wanting to fuck someone, anyone, but it's just as clear that he doesn't have any plan whatsoever to do anything about it. He's going to sit here and let himself die out of loyalty to a boyfriend he's been with for weeks, a guy who Tommy doesn't even think cares that much about Adam beyond his fame. 

　

"So you're just going to die?" Tommy asks, fear making him feel urgent and shaken, he won't just sit here while Adam dies. He can't do that, he thinks he's probably been falling for Adam from their first meeting. He couldn't watch anyone die knowing there was something he could do about it, let alone Adam. He loves him and he might not be able to say it, not now, maybe never, but he can't watch him die. He doesn't want his first time with a man to be on the floor of a cold room while it all gets filmed by some pervert. He doesn't want it, but he wants Adam alive more than he wants to not get fucked by Adam on a floor while Adam spends every second of it thinking of Leo.

　

"I don't know what else to do. I feel possessed by sex, like it's all I can think about. Like if I don't have it I'll die, but you're the only one here, but you're straight and I have a boyfriend and it's all such a mess. I can't even believe this is happening, it's too complicated," Adam rambles and as his legs move, Tommy can see the bulge in his jeans. He really is hard and fucking huge and fear makes his throat feel dry. He's dreamed about being with Adam, but the practicalities had always scared him just a little. Adam isn't a small guy, everyone knows that, anyone who's seen one of his concerts knows that and Tommy has never been with a man, so it's intimidating as hell, but that doesn't mean he doesn't want it, just preferably in a bed, after a date, with like lube and no one watching through a camera.

　

"Would you rather fuck me or die?" Tommy says softly, trying to bluff through his fear. Adam is infected with sex pollen, it sounds like a bad Sci-Fi movie, but it's true and it's happening to them and Tommy will not let his fear let Adam get killed. Adam is possessed by the need to have sex, it's not like he even needs to want Tommy right now. He's got an erection, he's ready to have sex, he doesn't have to want Tommy right now.

　

"You're not some sacrificial virgin that I will fuck to stay alive, you don't know what you're asking for. I won't hurt you," Adam groans.

　

It's then that Tommy realizes something. Adam will never fuck him like this, a virgin on a cold floor with no lube, no condom, nothing to make a first time easier. Adam would rather die than hurt him, than feel like he was maybe raping Tommy to survive. But Tommy can't let Adam die, just because he doesn't want to hurt a friend. Tommy doesn't have a lot of options and it's hard to think through the fear, but he finally realizes what he has to do to save Adam, he has to lie.

　

"I'm not a virgin," Tommy argues.

　

"I know you've had sex with women, that's not what I meant, Tommy," Adam groans, spreading his legs out in front of him, clearly uncomfortable in his own skin. He's sweating now and he looks like he's been hard for hours not minutes, possessed by his need to fuck.

　

"It's not what I meant either," Tommy swallows, trying to keep his fear and the fact that he's trying to lie from his face.

　

"Oh come on, are you really saying you've fucked men, been fucked?" Adam snorts, disbelief in his voice and Tommy knew this wouldn't be easy.

　

"I know I didn't tell you and maybe I should have, but it was never serious. It was just sex, so I never said anything," Tommy lies. 

　

"You've been fucked before?" Adam asks sounding shocked.

　

"Yes," Tommy says firmly, knowing he needs to sound like he believes it if he's going to get Adam to believe it.

　

"Since I've known you?" Adam asks.

　

"It's been a while since I bottomed," Tommy says vaguely, because he knows if they get that far he'll be tight, like a virgin, but he's not claiming to have anal sex regularly enough to be anything other than tight.

　

"So you'd let me fuck you?" Adam asks, his eyes so full of heat, but Tommy knows that it's the sex pollen causing that reaction, not him. To Adam he's just a body right now and any body would do. Adam would fuck any willing body right now. He knows Adam would rather die than fuck someone unwilling, but Tommy's made it clear that he is willing, so Adam can save his own life without doing anything wrong.

　

"Yes. I don't want you to die. I want to help you live," Tommy says firmly, which isn't a lie. He doesn't like lying to Adam, but he would rather be dishonest if it means Adam getting to live. He wants Adam, but not like this, but it's not like this is a nightmare he'll have to endure to save Adam, it won't be that bad.

　

"Take your clothes off. I'll try to go as slow as I can, make it enjoyable. But I'm not myself, Tommy. I'm possessed by this sex pollen and I think my control won't be very good, don't let me hurt you, please? Just say stop and I promise, If I can I will, I don't know how much control I'll have, but I want to believe that I'd stop," Adam rambles and Tommy starts taking his clothes off. He wants to believe they can do this, that they'll have sex and that will stop Adam from dying. Then they will be set free by whoever is keeping them here. It'll be alright, they'll get past it, it has to be that way. He tries to push the fear away as he takes his clothes off, but he is afraid. He's afraid of being here and of what is going to happen here.

　

The moment he's naked Adam moves, kissing him hard as he strips out of his own shirt, he mumbles apologize against Tommy's lips and the only thing he can think to do is kiss back. He wants Adam, he really does, but not like this. He wants to try and pretend that they are together, that they are together and having sex after a date, not just in a room together, having sex because Adam has been dosed with sex pollen. 

　

"Are you okay?" Adam asks, sounding breathless as he stops to kick off his boots.

　

"Fine, I'm fine," He's half hard from Adam's kisses, but not that turned on. As much as he wants Adam, this doesn't feel right. He's in love with Adam, but he's been pushed onto his back on a cold floor, Adam on top of him and he knows that Adam is probably imagining Leo in his place and that hurts. It's stupid of him, but he can't help it. He'd had so many fantasies about his first time with a man, his first time with Adam and none of them were ever like this. In his fantasies Adam actually wanted him for one, he was never just a convenient body or the only option, but then he hadn't known sex pollen existed when he'd thought about his first time with Adam, hell, his first time with a man for that matter.

　

He tries not to let fear take over as he watches Adam sucking on his own fingers, but he is afraid. Some cruel bastard is about to watch him be fucked by Adam on a cold floor, with nothing but spit, even though Adam doesn't want him and he doesn't know that Tommy wants him. He's tense when Adam pushes between his legs, his body going even stiffer as Adam lowers his hand, rubbing his slick finger tips over Tommy's hole. 

　

"Tell me if I hurt you," Adam says softly and then he's pushing a finger in and it doesn't feel anything close to pleasure. The second finger is no better and the third makes things burn a little, but Tommy doesn't say. He tries to keep his discomfort to himself, even though Adam keeps telling him that it'll be okay. If he needs Adam to stop, he will stop, he won't be mad if Tommy needs to stop. Adam is so worried about him, even though he's affected by the sex pollen and desperate to have sex, he's still worried. He's not fantasizing about Leo right now, he knows that it is Tommy underneath him and he's worried about Tommy and that makes this easier, because Adam cares about him and that is something at least, even if Adam doesn't really want him. At least he doesn't find Tommy undesirable, at least he is here with Tommy, going through some of the same shit, this isn't just a good time for Adam, he's doing this so that he doesn't die.

　

"I'm ready," Tommy says softly, even though he's not sure he'll ever be ready for this. But Adam takes him at his word, pulling out his fingers and lining up his cock, pushing into Tommy slowly, but it still hurts and Tommy tries to keep it off of his face, either he does or Adam doesn't notice, because he doesn't ask if Tommy is okay, he just starts thrusting. He doesn't believe Adam would fuck him if he knew it was hurting Tommy, but he's totally possessed by the need to fuck, to fuck or die and Tommy just lays there, his arms around Adam and he's not hard, hasn't been since the first time Adam breached him. There is pleasure mixed in with the pain and he thinks he could get there maybe, with Adam's hand on his cock or something, but Adam's just thrusting, hard and fast, clearly desperate to come and Tommy is pretty much just laying there. He didn't think sex with Adam could be bad, but this is bad. He knows it could be worse, it could hurt more, but it's not good. He's on a cold floor being fucked by a man who is only touching him because he is the only choice Adam has other than death.

　

He just wants it to be over, for Adam to be cured and he's lucky, it doesn't last long. Adam coming without any warning, his hips jerking hard against Tommy's hips, hard enough that Tommy wouldn't be surprised if he bruised. He can feel Adam come and it's so different, not something he has ever felt before. But then he's never been penetrated before. He'd had one girlfriend who had fingered him when she was blowing him, her fingers rubbing against his prostate and that had felt great. This? His first time being fucked by a man hadn't felt great. He closes his eyes when Adam pulls out, hating the slick feel a little and he takes a deep breath to steady himself before he opens his eyes.

　

"Do you think it worked?" Tommy asks. It hurts when he sits up, not just his ass, his whole body seems to ache, a mixture of being on a stone floor and the way Adam had been kind of rough, too possessed by the need to fuck to be gentle. He ignores the pain and reaches for his clothes. Adam can never know it was bad. He might not be clear headed enough to have realize Tommy didn't come, but Tommy can put that down to fear of the situation, instead of pain, instead of admitting that the sex was bad.

　

"I feel better," Adam says softly as Tommy pulls on his clothes, hiding a wince as he pulls on his jeans.

　

"Not possessed anymore?" Tommy asks, not looking at Adam, but he can hear the rustle of clothes and he can tell that Adam is dressing as well.

　

"No, I feel healthy and not horny," Adam sounds worried, but not afraid and Tommy glances at him. He's not flushed anymore or pale, he's a little disheveled, still doing up his shirt and Tommy looks away again. He can't believe he did this, had sex with Adam because of sex pollen. It feels like some kind of crazy dream, but the ache in his body shows him just how real it all is. He just got fucked by his best friend, his boss, on the floor of some empty office building and he just doesn't know how to feel about that. He's wanted Adam for a long time, but not like this, never like this.

　

"You may leave," The same clam voice calls out over the intercom and when Tommy hears the click of the door he jumps to his feet, regretting it when pain shoots through his body, but he goes for the door any way, Adam right behind him. They don't hesitate, they run out of the room and out of the building and Tommy comes to a halt outside when they get outside. Their drivers are back, just sat in the cars, looking like they are just waiting, perfectly still and Tommy feels a flutter of fear over the fact that their are drugs that can possess a person. 

　

Everything after that is a blur, police, hospitals, testing on them and the drivers to find out more about the drugs, but Tommy hardly listens to it at all. He lets Lane tell him where to go and what to do and when she says that they are all going to take a break from the tour he is relieved. She wants to give the cops time to track down the voice on the intercom, to wait and see if the film of Tommy and Adam together will surface. Tommy has to tell his Mom some of what happened, to prepare her for the video. 

　

After that he just stays home, hiding in his room, laptop and phone on so he can stalk twitter, facebook, youtube, waiting for the video to be released, but after a week it still hasn't and Tommy gets a call from the cops admitting this has happened before, with other celebrities. It's been happening for over a year and not one single video seems to have reached the public. So it seems like some sicko is capturing people and using their home made sex pollens to get their own show put on. The videos are for them, maybe a few people who are all working together, but Tommy doesn't care, at least nobody will ever see what happen. He's surprised to see on Twitter fans asking Adam if things between him and Leo are really over. Adam doesn't answer the tweets and Tommy doesn't answer Adam's calls or texts, he hasn't all week. He knows ignoring Adam is childish, but he is afraid that if he picks up the phone and answers Adam that he will fall apart. He's hardly coping with the possession, sex pollen, capture thing as it is, he thinks it would be easier if he wasn't in love with Adam. If Adam and Leo have split up, it'll be because Adam feels guilty for cheating, even if he couldn't help it, even if he would have died otherwise, it doesn't mean anything.

　

 

+++++++++++++++++

　

After a week he does play the messages Adam has left and he's not sure which one is the worst.

　

"Hi, Tommy, pick up, I'm worried about you," He can cope with that.

　

"Uh, I told Leo I slept with someone else. He dumped me. He doesn't know it was you, I don't think he'll go to the press," Tommy doesn't know how to feel about that one at all. Seems Twitter is right. Adam and Leo are over, because Adam was too good a man to lie to Leo. He wonders how much he told Leo, all but Tommy's part in things? Or just that he was with another man?

The third makes him feel a little sick. "I got tested, I thought you should know I'm clean," Because they didn't use a condom, when they had sex. Tommy had hoped maybe Adam would pretend nothing had happened. Adam was possessed by sex pollen, it's not like they got drunk and fucked. Tommy doesn't think this is something they need to talk about. He should tell Adam he's clean as well, in case he is worrying, but he can't make himself pick up the phone.

　

"Tommy, are you not talking to me? Fuck, please just answer, even if it is just to tell me to fuck off, I know I shouldn't have touched you, I knew you'd regret it," Adam sounds sad and worried in that one and Tommy feels guilty, but he still doesn't pick up the phone. 

　

"No one's heard from you, what's going on, we're all worried," Tommy hits the right button to stop the messages playing, because he can't listen to it anymore. He doesn't want Adam's pity or anyone else's. He just leaves his phone in the living room and goes back to his bedroom, glad that Mike and Dave are both out, they've both been looking at him. They know something happened to cause the break in the tour, but they don't know what and he's not about to tell them. 

　

He manages to fall asleep, so when knocking wakes him up he almost falls out of the bed. He stumbles to the front door, thinking either Mike or Dave must have forgotten their keys, because that's not his Mom or Lisa's knock and not many other people know that he came home for the break. The rest of the band had stayed where they were, waiting out the investigation and for the promo tour to start again. Only when he opens the door it isn't anyone he expected. It's Adam, he looks amazing as always, dressed casual with just a hint of rocker glam, the look of concern on his face seems so out of place with the image of perfection he's been putting across. It makes Tommy very aware that he's pressed in his oldest T-shirt and oldest cotton pants. He can't even remember the last time he showered or shaved. He's not slept through the night since he came home, he knows there is no way he looks as good as Adam. He looks a mess and Adam looks perfect. He looks like shit and now Adam has to know he wasn't as unaffected by what happened as he has pretend to be the last time he saw Adam.

　

"Tommy," Adam says softly, looking shocked.

　

"What are you doing here?" Tommy asks bluntly.

　

"I came to see you. I was worried, you've not been answering my calls or anyone else from the band's calls. Everyone is worried," Adam frowns.

　

"You better come in then," Tommy shrugs. He doesn't want to talk to Adam on his door step. He goes over to his couch and sits down. Adam follows, shutting the door behind him and coming to sit next to Tommy.

　

"I'm so sorry, Tommy," Adam says softly.

　

"For what?" Tommy asks.

　

"For taking advantage of you when I was under the influence of the sex pollen," Adam sighs and Tommy feels sick. He pulls his legs up, tucking his knees under his chin, not looking at Adam at all.

　

"Don't be stupid, I told you to do everything you did," Tommy grits out.

　

"You only did it to save my life," Adam groans.

　

"I really just want to not talk about this, Adam. So can we just not do this? I just want to get back to the tour, to real life," Tommy shrugs, like he's not been constantly thinking about it, what they did and how it should have gone between them.

　

"But we need to, you look ill, Tommy," Adam says, sounding so concerned and it reminds Tommy of when they had been together, how worried Adam had been about hurting him, his fear that he would hurt Tommy. It had hurt, but Adam doesn't need to know that.

　

"I'm clean if that's what's bothering you, I've always used condoms before. I should have said before, but that's the only thing I can think that I need to say about what happened," Tommy tries to sound like he doesn't care, to sound like it doesn't hurt, but it does.

　

"You think that's all I want to know? It's not Tommy, you saved my life and then you dropped out of the world and no one hears from you and now I'm here and you don't look like you've been eating or sleeping, I'm so worried, we need to talk," Adam says firmly and Tommy doesn't know what to say, admit that stress makes his insomnia worse and he's been stressing like hell over this? Tell Adam he's been trying to eat, but half the time he can't face food? He doesn't know how to say those things without telling the whole truth, which he doesn't want to do.

　

"I guess I wanted to tell you that I don't have any expectations and I won't tell anyone about the fact that you've been with men before. I haven't told anyone, even though Neil asked, he's too smart for his own good," Adam sighs, when Tommy says nothing, but out of the corner of his eye, Tommy sees Adam frown suddenly.

　

"You don't seem to care if I tell people that you're bisexual, do people already know or something? Did you just not want me to know?" Adam asks, sounding worried.

　

"You think I hid it because I was worried people would think I slept with you to get my job or something?" Tommy asks, because people had said that any way.

　

"I'm just really confused, Tommy," Adam says and for some reason it really pisses Tommy off and he sits up straight, glaring at Adam.

　

"You're confused? You fucked me so you wouldn't die, because I let you, how is that confusing for you? God, it's not like you've never been with a guy before," Tommy snorts. It was just sex to Adam, sex to save his life, but still just sex. It didn't mean anything to Adam.

　

"Well so have you," Adam says and then he gives Tommy a long look. "You said you'd slept with men, Tommy. Please don't tell me you lied?" Adam all but whispers.

　

"You weren't going to do it, I had to lie. I couldn't watch you die knowing there was a way to fix it. It's not like I'd never thought about being with a dude before, I just hadn't acted on it," Tommy admits, because it's just too tiring to keep on lying when Adam isn't going to believe him anyway.

　

"I hurt you didn't I?" Adam asks, voice shaking a little and Tommy doesn't want to say that Adam hurt him more ways than he could have ever known, nobody but Tommy needs to know that his heart had gotten a bad bruising from what happened between them.

　

"First times hurt," He might not have been with a man before that, but he knows losing your virginity is hardly ever sex anyone would call perfect. 

　

"Fuck, I should have know, you weren't even hard, you didn't come. I feel like I raped you," Adam looks like he's going to cry and Tommy hates it, wants to hug him, but he can't get his body to move.

　

"Do you really think I'd still be in the band if you raped me? I would have left by now if you raped me and I wouldn't let you into my apartment to talk to me alone. It wasn't rape. It was a fuck or die option and I choose to give up my virginity so you could live and that is all that matters," Tommy says firmly.

　

"Then why do you look like you're falling apart?" Adam asks.

　

Tommy wants to lie, he really does, but when he opens up his mouth that's not what comes out, no cleverly crafted words, it's like everything but honesty has left him.

　

"I wanted you, for a long time before that. Never had the guts to say it and then you get dosed with sex pollen and we have to fuck or you'll die. It wasn't like what I imagined sex with you would be like, it was bad, but not just that, it wasn't like I was having sex with you, it was having sex with whatever possessed your body and I knew you didn't want me. It sucked, but I'll get over it," Tommy shrugs, it feels like someone has tried to carve his heart out of his chest with a rusty spoon and he hates it, so much. He just wants the pain to go away. He's tried drowning it with booze, but when he got to the bottom of the bottle the pain was still there.

　

"I don't want you? Tommy, I have wanted you from the moment I saw you. Which was why I felt even worse. I was getting to have sex with someone I had always wanted to be with and you were just making a sacrifice to save me. I felt so bad, but I could hardly think. But I can think now and I want you to know it meant so much to me, not just that you were willing to do anything to save my life, but the fact that it was you meant something to me," Adam says in a rush.

　

"You want me?" Tommy asks softly.

　

"From day one," Adam nods.

　

"What about Leo?" Tommy needs to know.

　

"It's over and I never loved him. I didn't want to cheat on him, just because I don't like to cheat, not because I would rather him have been there with me instead of you," Adam sounds like he means it and Tommy finally looks at him properly. He's wearing makeup and it covers a lot of the dark circles under his eyes, but not all of it. Adam hasn't been sleeping well either, maybe he hasn't been as unaffected by all of this as Tommy had thought.

　

"I thought you'd picture him, instead of me," Tommy admits quietly.

　

"I was thinking of you, every second," Adam says back and Tommy has to do it, has to risk it. So he moves, getting closer before pressing a kiss to Adam's lips, the first time they've done it without an audience of any kind. 

　

"Tommy, " Adam gasps against his lips and Tommy kisses him again, slow and deep, only letting up when he starts to feel light headed. 

　

"I want you, show me how my first time should have gone," Tommy says boldly, hoping he hasn't read this wrong.

　

"Okay, I'd love to, but please promise me you'll stop me if it hurts this time, please," Adam begs him and Tommy nods, but Adam makes no move to touch him.

　

"I need to here you say it," Adam groans.

　

"I promise not to lie this time, I'll tell you if it hurts or isn't good, I promise," Tommy says, looking right in Adam's eyes, hoping Adam can see the sincerity there, he's not lying this time. This time is about him as well as Adam. It's not sex to save a life, it's just sex between two people who want to sleep together. 

　

"Your room?" Adam asks and Tommy stands up, offers Adam his hand, relieved when Adam takes it and lets himself be lead to Tommy's room. He goes to his bedside cabinet first, finds a half used bottle of lube he has and then hesitates over a strip of condoms. Adam looks over his shoulder and he must read what's going on inside of Tommy.

　

"If you don't want to use one, I'm good with that, but I understand if you do," Adam says softly.

　

"We're both clean right?" Tommy says, pushing the drawer closed, decision already made. 

　

"Yeah, okay," Adam says before pressing the sweetest, most tender kiss Tommy has ever felt to his lips, turning Tommy in his arms to make the angle easier. They stay like that for long minutes, kissing slowly, relearning each other after too long without any kissing. 

　

Tommy's the one who takes the next step and he has a feeling that maybe Adam was waiting for him to do that. Tommy starts by pushing Adam's jacket off his shoulders, letting it fall to the floor with a thud. He hadn't undressed Adam last time, hadn't even watched him get undressed, so this is already a lot different. He feels more in control, because last time, neither of them was really in control of what had happened. 

　

His hands drift to Adam's shirt after that, undoing each button slowly, savoring being able to undress Adam. He keeps it slow, the kiss, his hands and Adam seems more than happy to let Tommy set the pace. But Tommy soon gets bored of slow and makes quick work of Adam's clothes, stripping his own off before crawling into bed. Adam spoons him from behind this time, fingers slick with lube as he works Tommy open, kissing his shoulder and then his mouth whenever he turns for it. Adam takes longer this time and the weird feeling of being filled, penetrated turns to pleasure not pain this time and when Tommy gasps out that he is ready, he means it, he's not lying and he thinks maybe Adam hears the difference, because he doesn't push Tommy to answer again. 

　

Adam just kisses him sweetly and coats his cock in more lube. He pushes into Tommy slowly and waits for Tommy to beg before he'll start thrusting and he soon has Tommy turned into nothing but a panting mess, his fingers locked with Adam's where his hand rests on Tommy's hip, Adam's other hand fisting Tommy's cock, no longer blinded by his own need. Sex is the opposite of bad with Adam and he has Tommy shouting out his name and on the verge of coming almost embarrassingly fast, but Adam doesn't seem to find it embarrassing. He just keeps telling Tommy how beautiful he is, how hot he is, how good he feels. It is so different from their first time, Adam hadn't talked to him like this then and he hopes that from now on that Adam is always a talker in bed, because Tommy has no intention of this being their last time together.

　

"Adam," Tommy gasps. It's the only warning he can give as he comes over Adam's hand and the sheets, but he doesn't care about the mess, all he cares about is the pleasure and when Adam comes moments later all it does is makes Tommy moan, rather than feel embarrassed or ashamed. 

　

"You're so beautiful," Adam says softly. He's careful when he pulls out and even though it's Tommy's home, Adam goes for a wash cloth and brings it back damp to clean them both up, then he pulls Tommy into his arms, holding him close and kissing him deeply.

　

"I wish this had been our first time," Adam admits softly.

　

"Well maybe it can be. Like what happened because of the sex pollen didn't count. So this, just me and you in my bed, no sex pollen, that was the first time," Tommy suggests softly. What happened in that building wasn't about sex, it was survival, this was the way sex should be.

　

"I like the way you think. God, I can't believe I'm with you after all this time," Adam says, stroking Tommy's hair softly and Tommy relaxes into Adam's touch.

　

"I don't want this to be a one off," Tommy says firmly as his eyelids start to feel heavy.

　

"Neither do I," Adam sounds just as firm.

　

"Then it won't be," Tommy is sure of that, that they can make this work, but they can make it work in the morning, because all he can do right now is fall asleep in his lover's arms. It's the only place he wants to be right now anyway.

　

The End.


End file.
